Advance warning: For those of you expecting some cool geeky detail in this blog entry, I apologize in advance (well, wait, for those of you that want that, a fellow Managed DirectX developer, Jason Olson, has posted an interview with Tom Miller, the brains behind Managed DirectX).

I'm sitting in a Starbucks in Santa Barbara right now on the tail end of a business trip, and thought this is a good time to reflect on last year and what is coming in this year.

It's safe to say that last year was really good for me, I got two books done on game programming and had a GREAT time at work.

This year holds a lot of potential for me as well, except for one little detail: My father is gravely ill from cancer.  Considering how close I have been to my father, this isn't simply one of those trivial "fact of life" things to deal with.  Some days, in fact, I feel as if I will be absolutely crushed by the emotional burden.  I've tried to compensate with it in several ways, mostly by burying my nose in World of Wardcraft at home, which is a great escape, but doesn't solve the emotional turmoil I'm facing.  Even worse, as I try to accomplish writing my new book on Avalon gaming and do my "normal" day job, I find that my ability to focus/concentrate is practically nonexistent.  This means my work moves at a snail's pace and my bookwriting is...well, I have a table of contents and a very bad draft of one chapter, and that's after several weeks.

In any case, I'm still trying to learn how to deal with this.  I love my job and I love writing books on gaming (most of the time ), so this all tends to have a spiraling effect (because I not only worry about my dad's failing health, but then I get all messed up because I start worrying about my poor work performance). I'm hoping that by writing about this that I can get myself on some road to emotional recovery. 

Anyway, that's the big issue I'm dealing with, but I still have honest "New Year Resolutions" to accomplish.  One bit of good news is that I am NOT doing the traditional resolution of "I'm going to start losing weight", that's because I already have been (35 lbs in the last 10 weeks!).  I'm in the 20/20 program just like Jeff Sandquist and Brian Benincasa were, and it's had a GREAT effect on me physically (And I'm less than 1/2 way done with the complete program!).  So what are my top resolutions this year?

• Get smarter about managing my time and priorities
• Finish my Avalon gaming book in time for PDC 2005
• Publish at least two articles on gaming with Managed DirectX
• Bring my life into better balance (more socializing with real people, more guitar playing, more fun)
• Do at least ONE thing that makes the world a better place for people that are less fortunate than I am
• And, of course, find some way to come to terms with what my dad is facing (I already lost my biological mother to cancer in '94, so on top of all this, I get the added worry that I'm genetically predisposed to cancer)

ok, that's enough somber notes for one day from me.